Coop Scoop: Inside Ginni and Clarence Thomas

But of course they don't talk to each other!

April 1, 2022

By Marc Cooper

We take you now to the home of Justice Clarence Thomas and his dear wife, Ginni. It is the morning of January 7, 2021 — the morning after the Capitol siege. We find the Thomases chatting over breakfast:

G: Whew, what a long, nasty day I had, yesterday Clarence…

T: Oh yeah. Of course I can’t talk about it but I heard there was some sort of big dust up downtown with a bunch of  um..uh…tourists. (laughs, with a sly smile). Were you down there?

G: I can’t talk to you about it either, but I will say our beloved Maximum Leader’s speech on the Ellipse yesterday was top notch.  The…um…tourists, really loved it!  He really got them riled up.. Reminded me a bit of that newsreel we like so much of Mastroanni.. I mean, um, Mostocoli? What’s his name? El Dooshi, launching the war against, um.. what was it?  Eri.. I mean, Alban…

T: No, dear. You mean Mussolini and Ethiopia! One of the greatest and most glorious military campaigns of the 20th century…Inspiring! Nothing like bringing the Kingdom of Jesus to the heathens.

G: Right.  Ethiopia! Just blanked for a sec. Y’know. A Senior Moment. Hey, I did get real close to Donny today when he was giving his speech. I got such a great whiff of him when he held up his arms. The guy is so manly….

T: …I know, Like Long John Silver

(they both laugh out loud).

G: Anyway, Clarey, even though we can’t talk about it, what the hell are we gonna do now that our plan seems to have failed? Even those secret, water-marked ballots didn’t pan out. And I promised the Kochs that the 200K they forwarded me was gonna pay off.

T: I am pretty upset about it, though I can’t really tell you that.  That god-damn Mike Pence really wussed out and fucked us over.  Can’t say anything more… but you know Mr. T offered me a great new job in the new administration.. that is.. if there was gonna be one.  T told me he’d create a new post just for me because he plans on shutting down the court. He offered me something like Supervisor of the White House.  He really respects me. And I was already dreaming of polishing up all those big brass knobs for him. And now? That fucking Pence!

G: Oh, I can’t give you advice but what I would say is that we just stand firm and don’t give an inch.  We stick with the whole Stop The Steal campaign as the future of America depends on it…the future of the world!

T: Of course, it’s not for me to say,. But more than the future of America, nothing brings in the big bucks like Stop the Steal. Total cash cow. The rubes love it.

G: But.. I know you can’t tell me… but… but.. does this mean Mr. T really has to leave the White House in two seeks? It’s like a nightmare. Are we really gonna let that bastard Biden and his crew of radical Blacks, queers and perverted trannies take us down?

T: Hey, wait, I’m Black too.

G: Oh, yeah. Sorry. I forget sometimes. So what do we do?

T: Hang in there. Forza! My dear. Don’t tell anybody, but down at the office we are all totally with him. At least everybody except those two commie bitches. A jew and a spick. How the hell did they get on the court. anyway? No matter cuz we’ve got the votes…not them! I’m urging Rudy and Sidney to contest this whole bullshit certification. My fiends and I are all really ready to step in and fix things…

(he winks at her)

G: …Cool.. you mean like you did with Bush in 2000? That was great. I mean, that was true genius.

T: Yeah, you got it. Honey. Like with Bush. And the Voting Rights Act and abortion. And like we’re gonna do with queer marriages this year. (chuckles) I gotta go.. got to get to the office. Gonna be a big day.

G: I bet. Those scum Democrats are making a big effin’ deal over a simple thing of trying to overthrow the government. Typical…Hey, I know you can’t tell me but later in the day give me a call and let me know what’s up. Make sure you use one of the burner phones.

T: Burner phones?  What’s that? We ain’t got no burner phones! Don’t even know what they are! (they both collapse in laughter).

Ok, folks. Of course this is all fiction. Just kidding We know for a fact that Ginni and Clarence strictly adhere to the required ethics of not sharing any political information. Proof is this video from the Daily Caller in 2018. Pay special attention to the segment around 17:30 —20:00. It’s endearing. And MUST watch 32:30 forward!

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